|I want to be happy today but I don't know how. I believe being happy today might be the key to being happy everyday.|
I'm apparently in a bad placeI wanted to be a writer once.I'm apparently in a bad place by lilfixit
I had a voice I believed in. I believed in the power of words and the power of an idea and the power of love.
I once thought I believed in a creator and a heavenly father who knew justice and love and dispensed both. I wonder now if what I really believed in was myself and my ideas, because I don't know my voice anymore, and I don't know what I think. When I lost that knowledge I began to loose my religion. I feel loss softened by apathy.
There was a time when I felt everyone hated me but I still loved myself. I thought it was the worst time of my life.
Sometimes I thought it was worse than waiting for my father to succumb to glioblastoma.
I dealt with both the same way.
I built a wall.
I stopped feeling.
I escaped to where feeling and emotion didn't exist.
And when I found that place I realized that when apathy rules your mind, there's really no point to having one.
I realize it,
now that it's found a home,
I don't seem to have the power to evict