Drinking: Water, Diet Coke, etc.
February 1, 2016
13:23: Feeling less depressed today. Last week I felt much less depressed as well. Some of it is the warmer weather. I suppose it's the optimal year for El Nino to occur for me. Had my first exam of the semester and I'm pretty sure I aced it. Woop woop! I wrote way too much though. Got a micro quiz tomorrow. That's gonna be rough as I haven't really started studying that. My goal was going to be to just constantly study neuroanatomy as the exam is Tuesday. I mean, I will be doing a fair amount of that. But I think maybe tonight I will study micro. I have a headache and am going to sleep right after this lecture I think, but I have to do laundry so maybe I'll just have a coke and force myself to study. It does feel good to know things.
February 2, 2016
23:43: I wanted to make sure I recorded a thought I'd had about neurons.
I'd never understood how we didn't register thinking about moving our limbs when we moved them, the way we have to think about what words we say. But it occurred to me that the electrical signals traveling to my fingers would travel just as fast as electrical signals traveling to parts of the brain that told me I was moving my arm. It all made sense. You can't register a time delay if it takes the same amount of time for the signal to reach your brain as it does to move the muscle (or the same amount of time to register time delays. By the time you'd notice the delay your hand moved). I mean it doesn't take exactly the same amount of time since the distance is shorter, but the signal travels at the same general speed. I'd just always thought it was odd that there wasn't a delay between wanting to move your arm and moving it in healthy individuals. I don't have to think about moving my fingers, I just kind of feel where they are and move them. The brain is odd. Physics is odd. Relativity is odd. Time is even worse. Maybe I'm not explaining myself clearly and that's okay because I just wanted to get that out.
February 3, 2016
09:48: Yesterday I looked at some CT scans of my dad's brain. I'm not sure why I felt the urge to look at them yesterday. I guess most of the reason was that the CD requires a windows computer and I own a mac.
I don't pay attention at all in any class, so I don't know why I go. I have been sleeping pretty terribly. I'm really stressed out about this neuroanatomy exam on Tuesday.
20:39: Every day feels extremely long. I am very tired but I have to read for neuroanatomy lab tomorrow. Blechk. I need to study that topic though. Focus of the week.
February 4, 2016
01:09: I am very exhausted but I have been studying, and that is a good thing.
14:58: This update was typed and then deleted at 15:54.
February 7, 2016
15:54: Been depressed and stressed and less alert and involved for the past week. I think I had a bit of an anxiety attack Thursday. I'm pretty worried I'll massively fail my neuroanatomy exam on Tuesday. I don't really know what to do or if I'm studying well and I feel like I am withdrawing from everyone a bit.
February 8, 2016
08:31: Very stressed out about the neuroanatomy exam tomorrow. Did not make very good progress at all on studying this weekend. I keep punishing myself for not studying, or I keep watching Nurse Jackie and staying up late and not even getting done what I need to get done and yet still very tired.
I suppose if I fail this exam my world is not over. It will simply be a bit harder.
09:41: The feeling that I'm going to fail neuroanatomy has increased.
February 10, 2016
08:32: I failed the lab portion of my neuroanatomy exam. There are two more exams and we haven't gotten the written part back yet, and the written part is worth more than the lab part, so...I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Went out with Eduardo, had a couple drinks, and finally had a good night's sleep on a weekday.
Mostly I am just glad the exam is over and I need to fix my study habits.
09:27: For me, there's a lot of trouble knowing what to study. I'm honestly not very sure most of the time anymore what to study.
11:13: Why do I even go to class if I'm not even going to pay attention?
February 11, 2016
08:45: I decided I have a relatively small insular cortex.
I don't get very emotional about most actions. The insular cortex has been associated with empathy, which I would say I am NOT lacking in most of the time, but having not experienced a whole lot of physical pain in my life, maybe I'm not as empathetic as I could be. I'd say I'm definitely sympathetic, but it's a logical kind of sympathy, the "what you're going through sucks and I can't think of anything I can do to help you right now but I wish there was something easy I could do to help you." I definitely HAVE an insular cortex, because I still wince when I see pictures of people breaking bones and getting cut and such, but the more that I see it the more I'm desensitized to it, and after seeing a few clips of sports players getting injured, I don't do it so much.
I don't experience disgust often. Really bad smells initiate my gag reflex before I consciously register that something is disgusting. I have less care about breaking social norms, We already discussed the empathy thing, and I suppose there are some actions that have emotions attached because according to wiki this part of the brain is also associated with orgasms and I definitely have emotions about those. However, on a related note, I also have a lower sex drive than most of my boyfriend's have had.
So let's wrap up this topic. I definitely have a functioning insular cortex, I just wouldn't be surprised if it was proportionately smaller than it would normally be.
10:22: 75% on Micro quiz. I at least pass them but I wish I did better so I'd have a better buffer.
February 12, 2016
10:07: Yesterday I stopped by CAPs after classes. It wasn't very helpful. I filled out a self-evaluation form thing and they told me that my stress and depression levels were elevated, along with social factors (loneliness and not having friends), but that it wasn't something of immediate attention so they probably wouldn't be able to fit me in for a long time. So they gave me a list of psychologists (maybe therapists?) under my insurance, which is not unhelpful.
I'm still having difficulty studying. Our micro exam is not until the 22, and then there's another week until physiology after that, but then Immunology is the 2nd (two days later) and then the next Physiology exam is 5 days after that (not bad) but the next Neuro exam is only 4 days after that. So...yeah...I need to get on this studying thing.
Yesterday I cooked chicken and potatoes at Katie's house. She is trying to slowly teach me how to cook. She taught me how to hold the knife properly and the proper food-slicing techniques. Then for some reason we tend to watch HGTV after dinner and I get really into the shows and I don't know why. Almost makes me want to play the sims and design my dream home. Lol.
So I'm studying micro today until our Physio class at 1:30, in which I plan to finish my learning issue for our CPS class.
14:06: Do you ever think about how you don't feel your heartbeat in your chest while sitting at all, but if it does something outside of it's normal pattern, like skip a beat or starts beating harder, that you notice it. I don't think I quite know how to explain this, but it was a thought I had and I felt it was interesting to think that your heartbeat is so regular and normal and mundane of a thing that you don't even consciously notice it unless there's a change.
14:13: The heart is amazing. It truly is.